Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
