I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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