Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Randomize
