I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
