So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
