its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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