so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
