My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
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I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
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Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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