I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
