I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
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Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
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The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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