I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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