I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
