I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I don't deserve a penis
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
