Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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