I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die, sorry about rent.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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