It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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