1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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