I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Everyone says I win the strip club
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
