Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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