why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
