I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
