I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
