yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
