I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
