smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
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Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
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If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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