just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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