good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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