It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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