how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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