It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
