dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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