I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
