You're my little dorito
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
