but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
