do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
