You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
