john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
