She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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