the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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