I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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