I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
