1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I still have a little drunk in my system
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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