I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
