cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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