I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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