you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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