You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
