I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
