i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
