i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I think I died a long time ago.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
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I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
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Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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