You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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