i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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