A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
And my parents said I crawled through the house
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
