If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
