At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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