You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
pray to the hookup gods
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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