I wish you could order shots online.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
