i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
