apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
