Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
how does that bad decision feel?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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