what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
