Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Everyone says I win the strip club
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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