I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Randomize
