And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
