the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
