whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
