My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
