he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
