One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
