I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
