Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
