Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
