Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
