ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
