i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
