yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
