I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
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