That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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