Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
