I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
